From our email bag: Chas V'Shalom

Each day Dr. Schwartz receives a number of great questions from around the world dealing with mental health -- and often Jewish life as well. Here is a recent exchange with a writer. Non-essential details were changed in order to protect confidentiality.

Dear Dr. Schwartz,

I hope it is ok to reach out like this. I’ve read and listened to many of your talks and articles and like that you always seem to help people find the negotiation between Halacha and Anxiety/OCD. So, I figured, I’d try one out on you Maybe you have a perspective that can help me.

I’m a good, frum girl from a good home and was raised with an awareness of Hashem in my life. In our home when you are asked “how are you?” you answer “Baruch Hashem (Thank God).” In our neighborhood, especially in the last five years – between COVID and the different scares of antisemitism and the situation in Israel when people have heard challenging and devastating news, a common response is “Hashem Yishmor” (Hashem should protect). It SEEMS to be NORMAL to respond with words of Tefillah – prayer in our lives. After all, look at how much success the people at “Thank You Hashem” have had in making us aware of Hashem’s presence. And every Hashkafa teacher and Rabbi I know has stressed the importance of finding Hashem’s hand in the news – in both world and personal events…so bringing these phrases should be normal – no?

But here’s the thing. I say “Chas V’Shalom” or “Chas V’chalilah” every time one of my friends or family share something that can be bad news. I think that this is pretty normal. In fact, I consider it pretty important and want people to say it as a prayer  around me. My siblings make fun of me and call me annoying for insisting that they say “Chas V’Shalom” which creates a lot of stress on me. My friends, when I discuss it with them agree with my siblings and say that they think I’m “a bit too much.” But I tell them that it really hurts me when I hear potentially bad news and I think to myself if I don’t say or hear people say “Chas V’Shalom” it will sit with me all day or worse, it might happen.

So here’s my question: Am I taking this thing too far? If I am, why does everyone else say Chas V’Shalom – I see it in the Gemara and the Poskim and keep hearing it on all my podcasts? And if I’m right, why does everyone think I’m too much?

And most importantly, what should I do about it?

Sincerely,

Chassya V.

Dear Chassya:

Thanks for reaching out.

It seems like you are trying to navigate that tightrope of Halacha and mental health in your life. It can often be hard to know when what you are doing is “within norms” and when it is “beyond the pale.” One of the first things I like to do when I am thinking about questions like these is to learn where the practice came from. In this case when did Jews start to say “Chas V’Shalom” or “Chas V’Chalilah” and why.

If you go through Tanach, you won’t find people walking around saying “Chas V’Shalom.” In fact, there were some pretty bad Nevuos (prophesies) throughout Nach and neither the Novi nor the crowd seems to react with the added phrase Chas V’Shalom. I might think that if it were some sort of Mitzva, you would find someone somewhere who would mention that. But we seem not to find it.

We actually find the earliest mentions of “Chas V’Shalom” in the Mishna times (seemingly toward the end of the period of the Tanaim who authored the Mishnayos) in regard to the Tanna Akaveya Ben Mihallalel (of Pirkei Avos fame). Akaveya had some serious disagreements with the other Chachamim of the day and there is some debate as to whether he was put into Nidui (excommunicated) and if he died in that state. Rabbi Yehuda could not accept the idea that Akaveya, who was known as a tremendous Gadol (Torah leader) would have been excommunicated by his peers. In fact, in offering his dispute with the historical report that Akaveya was excommunicated, he says “Chas V’Shalom that Akaveya was excommunicated” (See Eduyos 5:6 and Berachos 19a).

It seems that the phrase “Chas V’Shalom proliferated from that point onward. Throughout the Gemara and subsequently in the early and later commentaries and especially in the responsa (Shaalos U’Teshuvos) literature the phrase appears and proliferates. No direction about an obligation to use it appears in the literature and there does not seem to be any specific direction as to when it is used and when not. We also do not seem to get asense of what it is supposed to mean when it is used.

Now, although I mentioned that we do not find the exact phrase “Chas V’Shalom” or even its counterpart “Chas v’Chalilah” in Tanach, we DO have a reference that has SOME relevance to the issue.

You see, at the end of Parshas Mekeitz (Beraishis 44:7) when the brothers of Yosef left Mitzrayim the second time, Yosef sends his Chief of Staff to run after them. He accuses them rather harshly, of stealing the silver goblet. In response they say:

חָלִ֙ילָה֙ לַעֲבָדֶ֔יךָ מֵעֲשׂ֖וֹת כַּדָּבָ֥ר הַזֶּֽה

“Chalilah” (Far be it?)  for your servants to do such a thing.

Chalilah, Onkelos tells us, is the Hebrew version of the Aramaic “Chas.” Rashi explains that the word “Chas” refers to protection meaning that Hashem should protect us from doing something like this. Some of the primary commentators on Rashi (See Rav Eliyahu Mizrachi & Maharal Gur Aryeh) also seem to associate Chalilah with Hashem’s attribute of Rachamim – mercy. Rashi adds that we see this phrase quite often in the Talmud. If we take Rashi at face value, “Chas V’Shalom” is some sort of short Tefillah about how WE are supposed to act.  

Rav Hirsch and the Netziv prefer to see the wording Chalilah as less connected to mercy as much as it is not our style. The brothers were telling the Chief of Staff that there was no need to accuse them of stealing because we don’t steal. In this case, Chas V’Shalom is more about incredulousness than it is about prayer.

Dr. Chanoch Kohut, the author of the “Aruch HaShalem” disagrees with  Rashi and with the approaches of Rav Hirsch and the Netziv. He associates the word “chas” with the Arabic “Hiss” referring to something referring to something despised that everyone dissociates from. Thus, “Chas V’Shalom” would refer to something despised and then a rejoinder – “but there will be peace.” Kohut offers a second choice that “Chas V’Shalom is a statement. Namely, that this stuff should be removed as far away from the one saying “Chas V’Shalom” as possible. According to his approach, it is not a prayer but a declaration. How often does one need to make a declaration and if it is missed, is it so bad?

So there you have it – three different approaches to UNDERSTANDING why people say “Chas V’Shalom”. It may be because of a short Tefillah for Rachamim, a declaration of incredulity or distance. No matter the approach, I am yet to find a Posek who says one NEEDS to say “Chas V’Shalom or “Chas V’Chalilah” and have found a number (Rav Zalman Baruhc Melamed, Rav Mutzafi among others) who say one does NOT.

Practically though, I need to highlight the fact that you say you NEED to say or hear “Chas V’Shalom.” In my practice and to the best of my knowledge, when one NEEDS to do something instead of WANTING to do it, there is often a strong anxiety-based rather than Halacha/Hashkafa-based component to the action. When one is in that mode then even the proper use or mission in using “Chas v’Shalom” changes from one of the above to a panic-stricken ritual that if not maintained will only serve to create more anxiety. That is what your family and friends might be picking up upon. If that is the case, a good approach to dealing with the issue would be to regularly practice experiencing hearing, and ultimately offering not such great news, allowing for the anxiety to build and not releasing it with the ritual of saying or insisting on hearing “Chas v’Shalom.” This approach – called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and it has proven quite successful when done properly.  Seeking guidance for how to set this up from a licensed professional with extensive experience in this area could be most helpful for you in setting up and implementing your specific protocol. The treatment time is efficient and you should experience long lasting results in a relatively short period of time.

Wishing you continued Hatzlacha in everything you do,

Dr. Schwartz

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